Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The 4 to 5 Day Weekend

Sexy Nerd never gets to spend 4 days relaxing at home. Over the weekend, however, that's exactly what happened. He tidied up our patio, did some telecommuting, (because even during a holiday weekend, he misses his job)(also, he's insane) rearranged his cactus collection, did laundry, hosted a barbeque for my parents, (though one of them stood us up!) caught up on his schoolwork, and watched hours and hours of racing.

Then, he was bored. There was nothing left to fix or build or dismantle. In fact, he became so bored he got the itch to buy a new house, rather than wait to build our own, simply for the sake of having something to do. The plans are out to bid, Sexy Nerd. Be patient!

(Truth be told, I actually really like this house. Isn't it charming? It would be like living inside a Mexican restaurant.)

When it was finally time to return to work this morning, Sexy Nerd was thrilled. He got up, stepped into the shower, and...

...discovered our hot water heater had died.

You had 4 days to break, you stupid water heater!

(The water heater, sitting smugly in disrepair.)

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

A Deathlike Slumber

Sexy Nerd and I have been together for more than 11 years. Keep this in mind while reading the following conversation we had yesterday:

Sexy Nerd: Hey! You know what I noticed the other night? You have sleep apnea.

Me: Wha?!

Sexy Nerd: You just stopped breathing the other night. You weren't breathing for, like, a minute. Then, you were gasping for breath. Then, you woke up. That must have been the cause of your insomnia problem all along. Sleep apnea!

Me: So, you think I've always stopped breathing for dangerous amounts of time, every night that you've known me?

Sexy Nerd: Yeah!

Me: And...you never noticed...in more than eleven years?

Sexy Nerd: ...

Me: And how long were you going to wait to see if I started breathing again? A minute seems like kind of a long time, don't you think?

Sexy Nerd: ...I...didn't want to risk waking you...because I love you...

So, apparently this is what my (most likely shortened) future holds:

CPAP machine - no way, jose

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Selling the Shirt Off My Back

In the market for a new summer wardrobe? Check out my Tradesy store! Brands I'm selling include Shabby Apple, Coldwater Creek, Laura Ashley, Charter Club, Longchamp, and more. There are dresses, suits, sweaters, jackets, shoes, shirts, vests, and pants. I have more clothes to upload (like, a million more. How did I run out of storage space with 2 oversized walk-in closets?!) so if you like what you see, email me for details on more clothes. If you really like what you see, I can put together a discounted bulk lot for you. Not my size? Many of the clothes I'm selling are too small or too big for me, so check it out.

And, to sweeten the deal, you'll get an additional $20 off your $50+ purchase (!!!) through this link. It's good for my clothes and clothes from my competition other sellers. Did I mention everything includes FREE shipping?

Like this prom dress? It's for sale!

Like this Shabby Apple Waimea dress? It's for sale!

Like my Mad Men-esque green dress? It's for sale!

Everything must go!!!
(says Sexy Nerd)

Monday, May 4, 2015

Mother's Day Ideas and Amerisleep Giveaway


Mother's Day is almost here, which has somehow morphed into a holiday where you have to give your mom a present...and your sister(s) and your sister(s)-in-law and your friends and your employees. Yes, being a "dog mom" counts. Basically, all women expect a gift on Mother's Day. Need some gift ideas? I've taken my list of gifts from Christmas and have edited it for moms. There's also a kick-@ss (in honor of the holiday, there's no actual swearing here, as my mom would surely not approve) Amerisleep Mattress Giveaway with TWO WINNERS (kick-@ss odds of winning something) at the bottom of this post, so if you're broke and can't buy anything for your mom, you can at least try to win her something nice.

Everyone seems to have a recommendation for the *perfect* gift. Many ideas are 100% terrible.

A $45 votive candle holder? Oh, thank you so much. I'll put it in the box with the rest of my candle holders. Now, where is it? Ah yes, the back of the closet in the spare bedroom, underneath these boxes. Lemme just blow the dust off it real quick.

And, yes, I did put a lot of thought into the sarcastic votive candle holder example above. To my recollection, no one has gifted one of these to me.

If you did give me a votive candle holder, I'm not talking about that one. I love that votive candle holder.

Anyway, my holiday gift ideas only feature items that I have and enjoy in real life. No sponsors. No kickbacks. Just my own, honest opinions. There's something for every budget. To make it onto my list, they had to pass the "Would I buy this again?" test. Of course, they also have to pass the "Would I want to receive this as a gift?" test. After all, plenty of things get by the first question that would make awful gifts. Like toilet paper.

2015 Mother's Day Gift Guide & Amerisleep Giveaway
(Click the title for more info/prices, where applicable, and click the photo to share on Pinterest.)

Trader Joe's Gift Card (or basket of assorted, delicious goodies)

Where else are you going to get fig butter for $1.99/jar? Where else are you going to get fig butter, period?

My ever-so-awesome boss at the pediatric dental office recently went on a shopping spree at Trader Joe's, scooping up every pumpkin-related product she could get her hands on. She turned this tasty assortment into surprise gifts for her three children. Pumpkin biscotti. Organic frosted pumpkin toaster pastries. Pumpkin macarons. It all sounded scrumptious. Why couldn't she be my mom, right? (No offense if you're reading this, Mom.)(Wow, this Mother's Day gift post is off to quite the start!) The other day, when my boss told us that everyone had especially enjoyed the pumpkin chai tea, I let it slip that her pumpkin gift basket would pretty much be a dream gift for me. She thinks all year about what to give her employees for Christmas and for their birthdays, getting recommendations and often returning the "perfect gifts" when even more perfect gifts come along. Funny enough, the idea that we might enjoy the tasty treats she'd been describing had honestly never crossed her mind. It's one of the many quirks I love about her.

Seriously though. Where are my salted pumpkin caramels?

"AAAARGH! Where is my coffee?!"

Score bonus points by including packets of fancy tea or a bag of coffee. When I ordered these, Sexy Nerd told me they were stupid. "We already have too many mugs," he pointed out. Yes, but these are unique! Your hands don't get hot because they're double-walled, they're BPA-free, and most importantly, they're the cutest mugs ever. I love to use the sleepy one before bed, as focusing on its yawning face makes it irresistible for me to yawn. We only have two so far, but I'd like to eventually collect the entire set (hint, hint to anyone reading this for ideas on what to get me for Christmas this year.)

I love to use these mugs when serving coffee to guests. They're a great conversation starter! If you place your mug order through this link, you'll get $25 off a $75 purchase.


A freak snowstorm is no match for my Chevy Volt.

Hear me out! No, you probably aren't going to buy your mom a new car. But if you're anything like me, you might use this holiday as an excuse to justify something you've been wanting to buy for yourself. And if a new vehicle is a possibility, it HAS to be a Chevy Volt. Seriously, people - why do I still see so many non-Volts on the road? And don't tell me it's too expensive. With the tax incentives, A BRAND NEW VOLT COSTS LESS THAN A TOYOTA PRIUS!!! We've driven mine all over the country and love, love, love it.

But it will run out of electricity. NO! It runs on electricity AND GAS, making it the *perfect* car. My lifetime average is about 100mpg.

Of course, if a new one is still outside of your budget, send me an email. My 2013 Volt is great, but the 2016s are calling my name...



I ordered this dish from Uncommon Goods after seeing something similar, but more utilitarian/ugly, demonstrated at the NM state fair. It's so pretty, like something you'd find at an art show. You rub your garlic clove (or ginger, lemon, Parmesan, nuts, chocolate, etc.) on the bottom and it zests your ingredients right where they need to go. When not in use, you can just leave it right out on display as a cute piece of handmade pottery.

Tickets to a Show
Have you ever met someone who saw Wicked but didn't enjoy it? Could such a person possibly exist?

This gift can be extra budget-friendly by buying a ticket package. With my season ticket order for the UNM theater, rates for many shows dropped down to only $10 per person!

Of course, this idea can also be applied to tickets for sporting events (10 games for you, 5 to give as gifts) but who would choose to watch the 49ers when they could be enjoying an evening with David Sedaris? Not this gal.

Professionally Taken Portrait

I liked this Kim Jew photo when Sexy Nerd and I selected it, but now I hate it. For starters, I'm wearing a dress with fancy ruffles, but you can't see any of them. Even worse? Don't make the same creepy claw mistake I did. Kim Jew gave me Lana Kane hands!

Want to score some serious points with your mom? Surprise her with a framed photo of you and your siblings. I did exactly this for Christmas a few years ago, taking a nice photo with my arch nemesis brother before he left to live in Australia. It cost a few dollars and about an hour of my time. Just be certain to let the Sears photographer know ahead of time that you're brother and sister, not a couple.

Things got awkward, fast.


$12.99 for 3 pounds of chocolate is good, but this was on sale for only $7.99 a box. A good rule of thumb for chocolate-shopping is to always buy more than you think you'll need. We spent almost $50 and it wasn't nearly enough!

Sexy Nerd and I have been together for more than 11 years and have made zillions of trips up to Colorado to visit his family in Buena Vista. All this time and no one told me they live right by a Russell Stover outlet shop. It's a mere 3 hours away, tops. Think of all the chocolate that could have been! If you have one of these glorious stores within a days drive, go. Picture this: you enter a large building with candy piled floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall, with samples everywhere. Just when you think you can't get any happier, you realize that there's a second, even larger room in the back. The chocolate clearance room!

No outlet store nearby? Candy is still one of my top gift recommendations. Everyone knows I'm a candyholic, yet the gifts I receive rarely include any. Something about not wanting to feed my addiction, be a bad influence, create a monster, yadda yadda yadda. It's a bummer.


Men are so stubborn. Sexy Nerd wouldn't cooperate when I wanted him to model this scarf for me, but when I gave up, he wouldn't let me take it off!

This is another one from Uncommon Goods. I'm a big fan of theirs because most of their items are "green" and made in the USA. There's something so cheap about giving someone a gift with a big MADE IN CHINA marked on it.

You can give a no-strings-attached gift, of course, or you can secretly inspire a little self improvement. After ordering the Wuthering Heights literary scarf, it occurred to me that someone would almost certainly ask me about the book, which I had not read. Who was this Heathcliff referenced all over my hip new scarf? I had to find out!

This scarf could be the beginning of a reading/writing-themed present, accompanied by things like an Audible audio books membership, fancy gel pens, and a gift card for a local bookstore.


These are my go-to places for everything from restaurant deals to cosmetic procedures. You can treat your gift recipient to a spa day, mani/pedi, wine tasting, sightseeing tour, glassblowing class, massage (assuming they're okay with a little awkwardness) or any number of fun other things they might not normally treat themselves to. You can even buy an extra one for yourself and join them.

Something important to keep in mind? Groupon has HORRIBLE customer service and will not let your gift recipient exchange their certificate for something else. If you email them for help, they'll send you a minimally personalized form response that doesn't answer your question at all. Can't use the Groupon your daughter paid $500 for because you have a medical condition that would make its redemption unsafe, but there's a similar option for the exact same price that would be totally fine? Too bad! Groupon will "helpfully" suggest you give your gift away, as that is the only option available to you.

Even worse? Groupon will tell the gift recipient to tell the gift giver that their gift isn't wanted. That way, the gift giver can contact them to get the entire mess sorted out (they won't talk to the gift recipient, as they weren't the ones who purchased the Groupon). Problem finally solved, right? Just to salt the wound, Groupon will then tell the gift giver about their no refunds/no exchanges policy.

Geez, I hate Groupon. Forget I mentioned them. LivingSocial and Amazon Local have awesome customer service!


Who'd have thought my under cabinet lighting was so photo-ruiningly bright?

I'm not one to ever spend money impulsively (never, ever!) but when Sexy Nerd suggested possibly buying this IKEA cutting board, it made too much sense not to. The thing is HUGE! Where else are you going to find an attractive, double-sided cutting board with countertop mount and juice-draining grooves of awesomeness for under $10? Every time I use it, which is just about every day, I think about what a nifty deal it was. We haven't touched any of our other cutting boards since we bought this. I love it, love it, love it!

Do not wash it in the dishwasher. Or, at the very least, you can rinse it in the dishwasher at the beginning when Sexy Nerd isn't looking but be sure to remove it during the 'add a dish' period, before it gets all steamy. I was warned to only wash it by hand, but did I listen?

Just buy another, Sexy Nerd! Yeesh.

Happy Hour


Yes, happy hour! What's better than the gift of your company than the gift of your company while buzzed? Order an assortment of appetizers to share and spend the evening joking and catching up. The Barley Room, one of our favorite restaurants here in Albuquerque, sells plates of homemade Jalapeno Bacon Gouda Tots (!!!) for just $5 during happy hour. They also offer a yummy drink called Cidre, like "seed-ray", which I originally thought Sexy Nerd was just being a smart alec about, intentionally mispronouncing cider.

"How much is that doggy in the window?"

Here's a fun, inexpensive gift for anyone young at heart. There are different dogs (and cats!) to choose from and they really do look lifelike when you see them peering at you through a window. I wanted to place mine in the car, but Sexy Nerd thought it might damage the tinting. Also, I'd hate for someone to think I'd locked my poor dog in the hot car and call the cops! So, Iris sits in my office window, greeting me whenever I pull into our driveway.

Sexy Nerd thinks it's a bit ridiculous.

If you place your Fab.com order through this link, you'll get $25 off a $75 purchase.



I've probably received more compliments on this necklace during the dozen or so times I've worn it than all my other necklaces combined. It's from J. Crew, so your gift will seem expensive, but I actually found it in their clearance section for about $15. Gift giving is all about finding something the recipient will enjoy but wouldn't necessarily treat themselves to.

Amerisleep Mattress
(Reminder: You can receive a $50 discount on your Amerisleep purchase in addition to other promotions by emailing them after placing your order to say you were referred by LambAround.)

Imagine receiving this in the mail!

Okay, this one is really more of a gift for yourself. You've earned it! Although, if you bought a fancy new memory foam mattress for the guest bedroom, I guess that would kind of count as a gift for your mom when she comes to visit, in a way. If you're wanting a new mattress for yourself, or if your guests are switching to a hotel after one night on the plywood you've wrapped in fabric (we actually used to have a twin bed like this in our guest room) this is an excellent deal.

On a funny side note, my coworker asked me the other day about my mattress. She remembered hearing me recommend it when it first arrived and she had a friend who needed a new mattress. "It's not a normal mattress, right?" she asked. "You said it's filled with straw? I'm surprised that's more comfortable than a regular mattress." Not straw! MEMORY FOAM. Silly Marie.

Now, let's get this Amerisleep giveaway started.

The Prizes:

One winner will receive an Amerisleep Comfort Classic Memory Foam Pillow and one winner will receive an Amerisleep 300 TC 100% Organic Cotton Sheet Set, in the size of their choice. You're also welcome to choose the non-organic sheet set if there's a different color you'd prefer, but I have their organic sheets on all our beds and they're soooo soft and comfy! Also, we have Amerisleep pillows and much more expensive Tempur-Pedic pillows (purchased before we learned about Amerisleep) and prefer the Amerisleep pillows, hands-down.

How to Enter:

Simply enter through the Rafflecopter form below.

The Fine Print:
Winner must reside within the United States (excluding Hawaii and Alaska). Winners will be contacted by email and must reply within 1 week or an alternate winner will be chosen. The first winner chosen will have their choice of the pillow or sheet set, with the unchosen item going to the second winner. Entries will be accepted until midnight on 5/31/15.

This is my first time using Rafflecopter for a giveaway, so fingers crossed that it's as great as I've heard!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
 
Good luck, bloggy friends!
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